BDSM-(Lifestyle) Outing - Comment Response

I received a comment in my Post "Disadvantage of the BDSM Lifestyle" which was such a great comment that I decide to respond with an own blogentry.

This time I want to share my thoughts about "BDSM Outing". Most have heard about outing in case of homosexuality. In my point of view there is also an BDSM outing which can be much harder combined with homosexuality. Furthermore it can be even harder when you are living the BDSM lifestyle but first I want to start where this blogentry started: By the comment of Fox Meeker.

For those of you which did not read the comment - here it is:

"I wonder if we do a disservice to ourselves and our community by keeping the nature of our relationship a secret. I liken it to the period when we hid our homosexuality from family and friends which only served to further stigmatize our orientation.

For our part, all our gay friends know of our relationship. And, i am inclined to tell my hetero friends that i am in a special relationship which i treasure. I explain that the Dom/sub relationship is not so dissimilar to the old traditional marriage of husband and wife, or the relationship that exists in religious communities, the military and in some corporate environments. Rarely does anyone ask questions but when they do, I answer clearly and honestly. If they ask questions about sexual matters, i ask if they really want an answer and if they do, I respond honestly. but i also ask the same question of them.

i realize that this is a difficult issue for all of us. Personally, i am becoming more comfortable explaining our lifestyle to those (gay or not gay) with whom i would like to have a continuing relationship. With others, i remain silent."

I agree to the comments of Fox Meeker!
In my point of view you have to distinguish some things. First of all you have to distinguish if you are "coming out" to your friends as a Master or a slave. I personally think that committing yourself as slave to friends is much harder as committing to be a Master. The picture of a slave who take commands, who has to lick feet or even gets whipped from a Master will be perhaps interpret as "weakness" or as something you should not end up. While the Master represents success and strength. The inhibitions of telling someone that you are a slave is higher than to tell you are a Master.

Another thing you have to distinguish is, if you are living the BDSM lifestyle or if you are temporarily serving a Master or having sometimes a slave (sessions). It takes a lot more courage to tell someone that you are living the BDSM lifestyle as that you sometimes have some "BDSM experiences"! To have a session can be seen as a little "sexual adventure" but to live the BDSM lifestyle can be seen as "freakish" to someone who does not know BDSM.

I have to agree to Fox Meeker on his comment: "Dom/sub relationship is not so dissimilar to the old traditional marriage of husband and wife, the military and in some corporate environments". This is exactly what I write to people who ask me how it is to own a slave or how the lifestyle looks like.  In the most "typical" relationship you will see that one of the couple is more dominant while the other is more devoted. I personally think that we all are carrying this attitude (domination/devotion) more or less in us and that this is a natural thing. Otherwise we would not find this "behaviors" in so many parts of our life. Of course in some people more and in some people less.

I have to admit that I personally would not have any problems to out me (among good non-BDSM related friends) as a Master who lives the BDSM lifestyle and for me it is clear that to "come out" as a slave is much harder but I do not see a reason why I should tell my friends that . Amongst vanilla friends I would never hold my slave naked, park him in his cage or do other BDSM-related staff. When friends are here my slave serves me and of course them secretly. I personally think that our friends see exactly what Fox Meeker mentioned in his comment: "the old traditional marriage of husband and wife". Where my slave is the "wife" and does the cooking, cleaning and serving of the guests while I am the husband. Another question which you have to ask is: What exactly do you expect from the non-BDSM'ler to do with that information/outing? Of course you could then give straight commands to your slave and do not have to "hide" your commands, but is that really something that the non-BDSM'ler wants to see? Perhaps or very likely the non-BDSM'ler feels uncomfortably or overstrained with that situation.

But there is a section where I find it important to "come out" and this is in the BDSM-Community. There it can be a good service to likeminded! Especially for other Master or slaves. It can be encouraging to other people to see that there is nothing to be ashamed of. When you are born this way and you enjoy to dominate a slave or serve a Master, it is the way it is and you should live it! You are who you are and the best thing is to be honest to yourself. This is one of the reason why I created this Blog!

If you have any question or comments about this post let me know in the comment below.