Slave JS Serving Master D. - Guest Commentary

Blogpost from guest Slave JS:
The last entry on this blog I read was about fearing the crop.  I now know from experience and am constantly aware of its presence at all times.  The sound and feel of the crop on my ass stings in a way that makes me question why I continue to go through the journey of serving.  The tenderness and direction of the crop as it guides me to be a better slave reminds me that the pain is worth it.

Serving a master is not easy.  It takes a toll on my body.  It brings me to tears when I do not fulfill a task to the best of my ability.  And I am always anxious about what mistake I may make next and the consequences that come from it.  But that is only one side of the conversation.  Training a slave is a much more challenging and involved process.  In the time that I have served Master D., he constantly checks in to ensure that I am safe.  He provides clear and immediate direction.  He rewards me when I do well and punishes me when I do not.  That is a much bigger burden and responsibility than I have to serve him.

So far this evening, Master D. has planned everything perfectly.  My job is to serve him to the best of my ability.  The key phrase in that sentence is serve him.  Master D. asked me a question while I was serving him and the question was in reference to pleasure.  Would I rather have pleasure for myself or pleasure for him?  The answer was simple for me.  I am not here for my own pleasure.  I am here for Master D.  The pleasure I receive is when I finally learn a command and he provides positive reinforcement to me.  That feeling is far better than any pleasure simply because it means that I can be taught and this journey to learn about my own submission is much more important than any personal pleasure.  I wear my chastity with pride.  It is a daily reminder of the journey I am on and the responsibility Master D. has for me.  He takes it very seriously and does it well.

We should all be so fortunate to have someone in their life that understands BDSM and the responsibility each has to serve their other half to the best of their ability.  If Master D. were a poor dominant, I would not continue on through the pain.  If I were not learning, Sir would lose his patience with me.  This is how we build trust.  Without that trust, none of this would be possible.  I trust Master D. 100%.  I trust him with my safety, training, learning, development, and that everything he does has a purpose.  The crop does not hit me solely for his pleasure.  There is a purpose to everything.

I have a long weekend ahead of me serving as a slave to Master D.  It is challenging.  I will make mistakes, many of them.  But it is truly a privilege to be here.  I sent a message to a trusting friend before traveling for the weekend to be here.  The message described in detail about what I knew prior to serving.  The emphasis that I added is that BDSM for me is transitioning out of being playtime.  Master D. and I are not playing.  There will be no pictures on social media of our experience to get the envy out of people.  We are not playing our roles.  This is life.  One that took a long time for me to discover and accept; but Master D. has my gratitude each time the crop hits me.  Even when tears are not far behind.  The embody the pain and joy without having said a word.

One of the biggest challenges I have while serving, and in my daily life, is the fear of disappointment.  Serving Master D. presents this to me as an obstacle I have to overcome.  Sir was kind enough to send me a message from his slave prior to our meeting to give me some advice.  One thing that stood with me and helps me get through the punishment is that none of my mistakes are intentional.  Master D. has a slave with a lot of experience and even he gets hit with the crop as a reminder to do better.  I should not feel as though I am disappointing Sir because I am serving him to the best of my ability.  He has complimented me on things that I used to struggle with, such as positions and posture, and that makes me realize that I am making progress on how to be a better slave for Master D.  The punishment will never go away, but once I teach myself that there is a difference between punishment and discipline I will be able to feel better about serving Sir.

Night 1 has now completed and Master D. has asked if I would be willing to serve him for another night.  That is the best reward a slave like me can get and I am happy to serve Master D. as long as he will have me.

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Things I have learned, in no particular order.

• Ask questions, Good questions!
  Master D. has given me a number of orders this weekend.  Some of them do require follow up questions in order to be completed well.  For example, I have prepared coffee for Sir each morning.  A good question I asked was how he takes his coffee.  Sir prefers cream only.
• Give thanks. Tribute
  One trend I have noticed on the internet is more financial domination as a fetish being pushed by Sirs.  This is a concept that scares me in how it is being presented.  I serve Master D. and trust him completely.  At this point, giving gifts as tribute is appropriate and I am happy to do so.  When I first started serving, this was not an immediate expectation.  Gifts do not need to be lavish and expensive, but a token of appreciation for the work that Sir does to allow a slave to enjoy the experience of serving.
• LearnI have a lot of this to do as a slave. Sir reminds me daily.  But he also reminds me of the progress I make when he tells me that I am a good slave.  Perfection is unattainable, growth and development is required.
• Be aware
  Master D. uses his crop to instruct me.  He also provides positions for me to be in by number.  However, there are passive things to be aware of such as ensuring Master D. has a full drink in front of him at all times.  One task I love doing is licking the feet of Master D.  It is cathartic.  As it puts me into a very submissive headspace, it is easy to drift off and forget about the other tasks that need to be completed.  Rule number 100.  Working on the instructed task at hand is only part of the responsibility as a slave.  Do not forget about the others.

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Night 2 showed me that Master D. truly has my safety first.  While tied up, I experienced an issue with my breathing which Sir had to react and ensure I was ok.  Master D. spent several minutes together with holding me and reassuring that I was ok while the outpour of emotions came through me in the form of tears. I could have asked to end the evening at that point. I was as broken a slave as I have ever been.  Master D. helped me collect myself and get back to serving him by helping me get past that moment.  Looking back on the night, I feel that experience is probably what I will remember most.  It reminds me of a time I saw a friend receive an intense flogging.  He was getting beaten very hard and there were visible tears coming down his eyes.  At no point did he ask to stop.  He was in a very different headspace where the emotional aspect of BDSM came into action.  That was how I felt last night.  At no point did I want to stop serving Master D.  And the morning after, I stand by that statement as I continue to serve.

Locked again in chastity, I depart with the direction from Master D. to serve him again hopefully a later date.  I am very thankful that Sir has a travel schedule that allows us to connect.  As an American, I never expected that the Sir whom would provide my training would be several thousand miles away in Europe. But so it goes. I would not trade a lesser quality Sir whom I could see more frequently than the many months I have served Master D. from afar while only seeing him a small handful of times.

If you have any question or comments about this post let me know in the comment below.

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Blogentry #076