How BDSM became a lifestyle

A few days ago I asked myself: "How did BDSM became a lifestyle for me?" and I had the idea that I could share my thoughts with like-minded people or people who are exploring  BDSM themself. Of course that has not to be a lifestyle for you but can still be interesting to read. For a lot of people it is enough to have sessions and enjoying the kinky side here and there. You have to find out what fits best to you and what makes you happy! If it is to serve, then serve. If it is to dominate then dominate. Find yourself and what you are. Here is my story:

First of all I have to admit, that I am convinced that I am born with the passion to "BDSM". There were some situation which - for me personally - proves that I had it already in me when I was a child. One situation which I want to share was while I watched Aladdin, the cartoon movie. In the movie, Aladdin was thrown into the dungeon and was tied up in a pillory. As child I did not understand what it was, but something aroused me about that. I could not explain it to myself but I loved this scene! I So I believe as a child my "destiny" to like BDSM was already set. But of course I had first to find myself and what exactly I am into. The older I got the more I explored BDSM. I was lucky to had the internet to learn about BDSM and to find my "sexuality". I really knew quite early that "normal sex" was not my thing. At least I needed bondage to enjoy sex. But as I mentioned I enjoy dominating a slave. Using him for my desire and train him. Sex was since the beginning not my primary or secondary desire but of course it can lead to it.
So as Master I started to search for slaves in the web. Chattet with them to know what they where searching for, find out what kind of mindset they have and of course what taboos they had. If it matched I invited them to a session.

The first sessions took about an hour and I started to extend them slowly. Since the first time when inviting slaves I knew for me that they have to be naked, only wearing cuffs. Also it was important to me that everything is "real". When I tied up a slave it was important that he could not escape from it. Another important thing was that they have to drink and eat from the bowl and to be naked. These things were from the beginning clear to me.

After some time I learned that I can speak normaly to them. That I do not have to play the role of a hard Master. That dominance is not about shouting or being angry. I can also speak to them normally, ask questions and so on. Of course the slaves had to answer respectfully. So I learned one of the most importent lesson for myself very fast: Be who you are! Be authentic!
With that lesson it was now for me also possible to have a slave over for a longer period of time. That I can have normal discussions with and giving orders at the same time and with that understanding my thoughts startet to grow if it would be possible to live a BDSM lifestyle.

Another important lesson I had to learn was: Fantasy and reality are two different things!
What made in my mind sense or was a great idea in my head was not automatically in reality a good idea. You have to learn that on your own and that lead me to one of my last important lesson I learned: Some horny slaves can be other slaves when "unhorny". Of course you can adapt this also to some Masters. As long as a main hornieness is there, they are Master or slaves. When they had an orgasm they are not able to stay as a Master or slave. To have a BDSM lifestyle means that you also live it when you are NOT horny.

With this three key lessons in mind I had a lot to think about. But I learned a lot by extending the session duration and inviting matching slaves over. Slaves where I thought they are searching the BDSM experience and not sex. Of course it is also important to find the right slave! But it would be a mistake to start from zero to onehundert immediately. Start with session and if you find someone who is interested in BDSM extend the bounderies. Communication is a key element. You have to build trust and to know each other better. It is a "symbiotic relationship"! The slave wants to be dominated and serve and the Master wants to dominate! And therefore relationship and trust has to grow. A seed that have slowly to grow to a three with all its phases. The same happened with me and my slave. We communicated a lot. What BDSM means for us. But we started small and builded it up slowly. Step by step. Extending the time, moving together and working it out. But of course I have the say what kind of rules & tasks I want to set up for my slave but I wanted to hear his opinion, what he thinks and feels about it - as examples for new rules. For some rules I made a "test"-week.

What I want to say is: Start small (together) and look where the way leads you together.
My advice: Do not start with long sessions or thinking about moving together when you barely know the slave or Master! Especially moving together is a huge step and you have to change/create new rules and structures. You have your whole life to enjoy the BDSM lifestyle, why rushing at the beginning? And why not enjoying the way and seeing all this progress? For me personally, I love to see that and this is exactly what brings me the most joy: to see what great progress my slave has made and how happy he is to be owned and trained by my hand.

If you have any question or comments about this post let me know in the comment below
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Blogentry #095