Dealing with mistakes

"A Master is always right" - ehm nope...
Today I want to write about the topic of making mistake as a Master. As all human beings also Masters and Mistresses are making mistakes. Especially with the hierarchy between a Master and his slave this can be poisonous for a D/s relationship when the slave is not allowed to speak openly about his feelings and thoughts.

First of all it is clear for my that a slave has to accept and conceal small mistake of a Master/Mistress. If I misspelled or mixed up something but it is clear what I meant then the slave has to proceed and act like there was no mistake.
When something is unclear or would cause a misunderstanding the proper way to react for the slave would be to ask respectfully what the Master meant. Without pointing out that the Master made a mistake! The most important aspect of this is how the slave ask! A phrase like "Sir, you said I should... did you mean..." would end up with a punishment. Because it would accuse me that I did something wrong. For small mistakes this would be not appropriate! Apropriate would be: "Sir, did I undestand it right that..."

The same situation would occur when I forget something. Of course the slave has the right to remind a Master but the important thing is again the how.
"You will now get your 50 lashes" - "Sir, but with the 10 from yesterday I receive only 40 lashes"
In this example the slave is throwing ball to the Master and reminding him in an "active" way that he has forgotten something. It sounds like he does not accept his lashes and wants them to pushed down.

"You will now get your 50 lashes" - "Sir, are the 10 lashes I received from yesterday considered?"
This way the slave is asking more in a way that he wants inform himself without questioning the integrity of the Master. Furthermore it sounds like he also accepts more lashes if the Master wants to.

These "slave-manners" occur in our relationship mainly in the high- and specific protocols. The standard protocol is the space, where my slave can speak openly if he wants to speak about something what happened during the high and/or specific protocol. But of course also there he has to respect the "normal" speaking manners as all people should do. Speaking in the "I" form: "I found that..." " I had the feeling..." "It was hard for me because your order felt like..."
These conversations are important, also when nothing went wrong. If you have a new slave and you both want to go the path of a D/s relationship these conversation are essential to understand each other and deepen the bond between Master & slave! Also after all these years my slave tells me what he enjoyed during his trainings and what was hard for him. And mostly he receives praises for enduring the hard stuff.

But what if something bigger went wrong. Of course this happens very seldom, but it will happen when you do BDSM over years and normally you will recognize it immedially. First of all a Master or Mistress can also apologize! Yes this is possible and it shows real strenght! I am convinced that the Master-slave bond will grow stronger when you are able to apologize as a Master/Mistress to your slave if you had made a mistake!

By making mistakes and acknowledging them, a Master can learn to become a better Master! It is the natural way to become a good Master.

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Blogentry #099