Guest post - Reflection before and during my last visit

At home

It is almost exactly one year since I last visited Master D. We had to postpone the visit due to lockdown but luckily could find an alternative date only one month later than originally planned. It is not easy to put into words how I feel about this visit. It will be my first trip leaving the country since March. Normally I am really excited to leave the house and see friends and other places. But somehow lockdown and travel restrictions have become so normal that it also feels a bit weird to travel again. I do not like wearing a mask on the train (not that type, at least) and suddenly one is wondering what will happen at the border where normally borders only existed in an atlas. On the other hand this is finally something to look forward to! Something that I missed a lot over the last months.
The same applies when I think about meeting Master D. and Slave M. again. Of course I am happy to see good old friends again. I am sure we will have a great time and get along well. On the other hand there is a certain degree of nervousness and insecurity due to the fact that I know that the weekend will also be challenging. Challenging because I will be integrated into their normal routines and serve Master D. This requires to get into a mindset that is very different from the way I normally live my life. Of course I like this challenge because I know that once I have adjusted again to the slave mindset of truly being committed to serving Master D. the experience is absolutely special, deeply rewarding and enriching which is why I always feel honoured to be allowed to catch a glimpse of their world.

Master D. is surely aware of this nervousness and insecurity on my part and I assume that he also enjoys that he is the cause of these feelings, despite the fact that this will surely also lead to me disappointing Master D. (and also Slave M.). I strongly dislike disappointing other people, especially good friends, but I am also well aware of my imperfections and will of course accept the consequences. When I read these lines and compare them to what I wrote during my last visit I can immediately tell the difference in mindset and realise that this is a good reminder to try to prepare a little in advance in order to make the transition in mindset easier. I look very much forward to serving/seeing Master D. and Slave M. again and thank them for taking such good care of me.

On the train

On the way to my destination for the next three days I had to think about the different kind of slaves as outlines in this blog, especially the natural slave, the session slave, the pseudo session slave and the sex slave. I think the other types of slaves are not mainly me. I have never really thought deeper about who am I in this respect, what is the true me. So far I know and have come to acknowledge that there is this side which wants to be dominated, which wants to surrender control and be of service. But I have never really spent much time thinking about if this is a temporary need and desire or if this is something deeply embedded in my personality which I only did not allow to take more room, to have more priority. What I do know is that being of service is my thing. This is true in my professional life, partly in my private life and also when it comes to sex. Probably a good starting point for being a slave.

What makes me think is the question if a session slave is only a session slave because he has not yet found the right master. I would consider myself a session slave. So far I enjoy a session from time to time, but I do not constantly have the strong desire to explore this world. However this is of course also linked to the fact that I don't have a lot of opportunities to do so. If I had more opportunities, would I want to be slave more often? I also would consider myself a sex slave, although the need to connect being a slave and domination to explicit sexual interaction has diminished over the years. I would be lying if I said that being sexually aroused by being dominanted and used would not be an important part. But a session can be extremely satisfying and rewarding without an orgasm, fucking or similar. It is just most of the time much easier to find someone to dominate you when having sex for a few hours compared to someone willing to dominate you for a longer period of time without a break. Currently I come to the conclusion that I am not a natural slave. I think so because I really don't miss anything most of the time when living my "normal" life. But still I would like to spend more time thinking about under which circumstances I could imagine living the life of a slave 24/7. In this way I could maybe find out what it is I am essentially looking for because I am not sure I really know. And knowing yourself is the first step to maybe finding a master to match these needs. What I can say is that I thoroughly enjoy how Master D. lives BDSM. There is so much warmth and empathy without feeling too comfortable or easy, just the right balance to completely trust a person and happily give up control because you know that you are taken care of and not being taken advantage of. This is special and I have so far never experienced this with another master.

Transition of mindset

Part of being a session slave and a major challenge is the transition of mindset. At home it is hard if not impossible to get into the mindset of being a slave. There is a lot going on: work, the relationship with my boyfriend, sports and other duties, to do's and distractions which leave little time to even remotely try to imagine the completely different rhythm and routine of the serving a master. And most importantly there is no Master present. As much as I like to let my mind wander and to ponder about all sorts of issues I find it hard to really forget about all that normally makes up my life and to really clear my mind to be open for something else. Because this is what I probably enjoy most about being a slave for the limited period of a session: to completely let go and forget about everything that normally occupies your mind. Something that even the best holiday cannot achieve. It feels like life is stripped of all the clutter with which we normally fill it and is reduced to the essential minimum. Don't get me wrong, with Master D. it is not possible to switch off your head and just follow orders. You are required to always stay alert, follow the rules and routines, make sure your master is taken care of and so on. This alone can be a challenge for a slave like me who is not used to this life and  - much to my regret - forgets a lot in between sessions. But in my opinion it is what is needed in order to transition to this special mindset: a person like me cannot just stop thinking. So this process needs to be replaced by something. And this something is the rules and routines of being a slave and serving your Master. That's why a session feels like a clean-up of my "hard drive": you get rid of all the unnecessary and temporary thoughts and information that has accumulated. It is a liberating feeling and once I go back home my mind feels refreshed and re-energized.

The mindset

It is now my second day with Master D. and Slave M. and I feel that the transition of mindset is complete. It is a state that I absolutely love and deeply enjoy. And I hope that it makes Master D. happy and Slave M. proud (since he is like a big brother and role model to me).
When thinking about what makes up this mindest I would say most importantly it is about putting your Master's needs first. (When I say needs this can be anything from following his rules, doing something for him without him ordering the slave to do so up to fulfilling tasks/services demanded by the Master to the highest standards possible.) This sounds pretty obvious and trivial. But I think that especially for a session slave it is not. On the one hand this is due to the fact that I believe to truly be able to put your Master's needs first they need to be aligned with the needs of the slave. I think every healthy human being has needs, so it is unrealistic to think that a slave has none. Especially in a BDSM relationship this is probably a crucial factor. But also when being a slave just for a session the slave agrees to the session because he sees the chance of needs/desires being fulfilled through the session. Oftentimes and due to the temporary nature of the Master - session slave relationship the needs will not be perfectly aligned and consequently a slave will either struggle to put some of the Master's needs first or might in some cases not at all be able to do so. On the other hand putting your Master's needs first requires that you know your Master's needs. The less you know your Master the more difficulty you will have to be and perform as the slave your Master expects. And it goes without saying that normally a session slave knows his Master less well then a natural slave living in a BDSM relationship.

Next I would say you need to be service-minded. The more you find joy in serving someone else and making this person happy the easier it probably is to satisfy your Master and feeling pleasure to do so (as opposed to considering it a necessary evil in return for sexual pleasure or even a burden). The challenge here is to do this basically 24/7. Normally, even if you have a service-oriented job, there are times every day that you have to yourself, that are completely under your control. When serving Master D. such moments do not really exist (except for maybe when you are using the bathroom). Of course there are times during a session when the atmosphere is more relaxed, but there will always be small reminders about the power structure (mostly implicit, but if needed also explicit). To not only accept this fact but to even enjoy it is not so easy and always takes me a little bit of time. The clearest sign that my mindset in this respect has changed is when I feel a reaction of my dick even when performing simple services like kneeling in front of Master D. when handing him a glass of water.

Finally I would say a slave needs to be a perfect example in showing respect, humbleness and devotion. Again this might sound trivial. But in my experience to always be respectful of your Master is not self-evident. And it also has to do with the Master respecting the slave. I have had many sessions in which there were moments when I did not respect my Master anymore. Mostly this had to do with moments in which I felt that the trust and control I had given him had been abused. These were mostly short moments, nothing too serious, but they nevertheless change the atmosphere, at least for some time. I have never experienced these moments with Master D. Around him I always feel 110% secure and taken care of which in turn makes it easy to fully trust him, surrender control and pay him all the respect that he deserves. Humbleness is an even more difficult subject. I deliberately use the word humbleness and not humility, because humility is so close to the word humiliation and in my understanding humbleness has absolutely nothing to do with humiliation. Humbleness in my opinion is sadly becoming more and more extinct in everyday life but is essential in almost any human relation. Humbleness is not so easy to define and might mean something else to different people. I personally like the meaning "courage to serve" in combination with modesty. To me it means that a slave can maintain self-respect and maybe even a small, modest portion of pride and thus be the perfect counterpart in a mature Master-slave-relationship as I imagine it. In combination with honest respect of the Master for the slave this is the basis for the slave being able to show true devotion to his Master that goes far beyond mere submissiveness and makes the relationship more meaningful for both sides.
Of course there are surely other aspects making up the mindest of a slave, but I think these are probably the most important ones.

Finally I would like to say that this is of course all very subjective. There is no one way how a Master or a slave should be or how a BDSM-relationship should work. In the end it is about two people who find a way how to live/share their lives in order to achieve maximum self-realisation, satisfaction and happiness. This is just my personal view on the subject and maybe someone who reads this finds some valuable input or food for thought. If so, and also if you disagree, please share. I am happy to read other opinions that might again give me some new inspiring insights.

Find Master D. or slave M. on Twitter: Follow @MasterHusband and Follow @GaySlaveHusband

Blogentry #120