Consent & BDSM

This time I decided to write about consent in BDSM and how this matches up. Because BDSM & consent could look like that it would be contrary but it is not! So first of all: Yes, there is a consent between a Master and his slave and the consent is needed! It is not like that someone is sitting at home and from nowhere a Master/Mistress is appearing and is "enslaving" a guy (or woman) - who perhaps never heard about BDSM.

It starts with someone feeling and persuing a desire - the desire to dominate or serve. Perhaps this person will find the courage to satisfy his desire and explores it. Therefore he tries to connect on social media like recon, BDSM-Bars and so on. So the first time you find a glimps of consent in BDSM is in the action you take to find your inner needs and by wanting them satisfied! A Master wants to dominate and a slave wants to serve and with the first "session" you start to build up the trust and security which could perhaps lead to the desire of deepen BDSM and perhaps the desire to live the BDSM lifestyle.

Normaly when inviting a new slave, I first check what his desires and motives are. What I can do with the slave and what his taboos are. Therefore the consent is set. And let's be honest: When we are talking about building up a D/s relationship you are starting small. You get to know each other first - in a BDSM way of course - and build up upon that. Do not forget it is a symbiosys! Both are fullfilling their "desire".

Does it now mean that my slave likes everything I do with him. NO! Perhaps you are saying now: "But then it is not consent". I disagree! Yes, he receives the riding crop when he is disapointing me or by not doing his chores. Yes he has to obey my orders or he receives consequences. He absolutely knows that and he knew it from the start. Since the beginning I made my point and he knew and learned how I treat and train slaves. Before becoming my property, he was an unowned slave and it was his desire to come and serve me. We went the path together and talked a lot. I was honest and "played with open card". Then came the point where he had to decide if he wanted stay an unowned slave or if he wanted to deepen the D/s relationship by becoming MY slave, my property with all the consequences but also knowing that my highest goals are to fullfil his basic needs (physiological, safety and security, health). He accepted it and he chose the path of being my slave with all the consequences. Why? Because it completes him. Because he was born with the desire to serve a superior also when this means that he has to endure and do things he does not like/want. I did not order or forced him to become my slave. This decision he had to make by himself and agree to all the consequences. I gave him the posibility to choose and he wanted it. Therefore he accepted that I always have the last word. That his sexuality and his slavebody belong to me. That he is my property. So the consent is set even when it means that he has to endure procedures which he does not like but he knew and accepted it by becoming my slave.

 

In return he can be sure to always be safe! That I will watch over him as best as I can and that I respect him as what he is: My slave and a human being with emotions: With good and bad days. We go this D/s path together and I believe it deepens our relationship extremly!

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Blogentry #130