Communication is essential. This is valid for every relationship and even more for BDSM-relationships of every kind. All of us know some rules of how to communicate with each other and what we think is rude and what we think is appropiate. It can be a little bit more complicated when it comes to BDSM communication. So I have decieded to talk about some general ideas.
1. There is not ONE way of appropiate communication.
There are many different ways people think it is appropiate to communicate with each other. One word that somebody uses with deep respect, might annoy another person.Take for example "fag" or "faggot". I know many gays who use this word with great pride and they are happy to call themselves so. But on the other hand there are others who are insulted by this world. So if you start a conversation with "Hi faggot" it might turn out well or not. It can be the same when slaves start a convernsation with a new Dominant with "Good morning Master!" Some will like that and some will feel annoyed.
2. Don't assume your opposite knows exactly how you want to communicate.
You wan't to be called "Master" or "Sir" in every sentence or in every message? That is totally fine! But don't assume the person you are communicating with does know that. Don't be annoyed when he does not start a chat with you in this way. But of course, if you have told a slave once how you like to be addressed, he should remember and not make a mistake.
3. Be consistent
Always stick to the communication rules you have set. When you are talking to a slave and you refer to the sub as "it" on one day and the other day not, that can be very confusing. The same with when you have told a sub to always adress you as "Sir". You should punish or give a fair warning to the slave if he forgets. But only if you have set this rule and if you have been consistent.
4. If you want to change the rules, you have to tel.
You have decided that you became friends with a sub and you don't want that he calls you "Sir" anymore? Just tell him, don't let him guess it on his own. The same can also be the other way round, when you have the urge to call someone "Sir" who does not ask for it, you can still ask if you are allowed to. But then see number 3: Be consistent.
5. Accept that there are different ways of communication.
Some of us owned slaves have very clear rules given by our Masters on how to communicate with other subs and Masters. Some of those rules are different from how those subs and Masters expect the communication. This can cause trouble.
6. If you are not sure: just ask!
Often when I start a communication with a Master I ask if there is a special way the Master wants to be addressed and how I should talk about myself. Some prefer it when a slave never uses his name or "I" and only refer to themselves as "it". If those wishes of the other Master are within the rules my Master has set for me, than it is great, otherwise I explain that and it has never been a problem so far.
If you have any question or comments about this post let me know in the comment below
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Blogentry #150
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