How I accepted that I don't deserve orgasms

Some changes are happening fast. Only weeks ago I was writing about how I lost the right to earn orgasms. Since then I have taken an even deeper step into the submissive mind concerning orgasms. I have fully accepted that orgasms are only for free men and especially for Master.s I as a slave have a different kind of sexuality. Orgasms are not for me. They should be nothing I need and nothing I crave. This is quite a change I had over the last years. Just recently it was a motivation for me to be a good slave to earn orgasms. Now that has become completly irrelevant to me and I am still doing my best to be the best slave for my Master possible. I am still very sexual. When I am not locked, my slavedick gets erected pretty easily and it can happen that I get a boner every time I kneel down in front of my Master. But it does never occur to me that someting could or should be done with this boner. I am actually quite happy with this development, it gives me inner peace that I have accepted that orgasms are not for me. 

Not only my mind, but also my body have adopted. My nipples are more sensitive than ever, as is my slave mouth. When my Master plays with my nipples or allows my tongue to lick his Mastercock, I feel more excitment than I had with orgasms. I can now fully focus on serving my Master. Licking his perfect Masterballs, full of sperm and free to shoot every time they want, while mine are useless and caged. It is obvious that we don't have the same genitals. I still could cum pretty easily. Master actually likes to play with my slavedick, unlock me and edge me. I think he enjoys showing me that I am theoretically still a fully functional man, that can get erections or could shoot, but it won't happen because I am a submissive beta slave male and therefore orgasms are not for me. I am not sure what made this change. I think it was a long development over the years. I told me Master how I felt and he seemed very pleased about my development and the acceptance of my status. I wonder how he feels about it that he is in such control over me and his training had this outcome. Master is still milking me and granting me ruined orgasms. But they are no orgasms, they are just maintainance and are made because of health reasons. I wonder what the future will bring, if Master will keep me this way, or train me back to orgasms. But I don't think so. I think he enjoys the hierarchy that my sexuality is completly focused on him and that it is nothing he forced on me, but that comes deep inside from me.

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 Blogentry #166