How important are gears and toys in BDSM?

Let's be honest. BDSM gears and toys are expensive and cannot be affored by everybody. Furthermore they need a lot of space in your house and your closet. And if you have many vanilla visitors you are currently worrying how to put away all the stuff so that nobody sees it. When you browse social media you often see the perfect dungeon and Master and slave in very hot gear and you might ask youself if you need more of that stuff and how you can afford it.

The good news is: no, you don't need a lot of expensive toys and gear to have a great time practicing BDSM. But of course there are some things hat make BDSM even more enjoyable that you have to purchase.

Let's start with the basics: Most important is the person you want to play with. If you are playing with a Dom or sub that are not authentic and not great at what they are doing, all the expensive toys and gear will not help anything. For example: I have been kneeling in front of very dominant men and enjoyed serving them and they have not been in any gears at all, just their casual clothes and all they had to discipline me was their natural dominance and perhaps their hand. And I had horrible experiences whith guys in expensive leather clothes in big playrooms who where not authentic at all1 The same was with me as slave. When I was younger I could not afford gear and did not have many toys, but I told potential Doms that the most important toy I could offer them was my body and my eagerness to submit. And for real Doms that was enough and made great sessions for both of us!

And of course: If you have to be careful with your money but you still want some toys there are easy ways to do so. Collars, crops and dog bowls are cheaper at real pet shops and they even can feel more authentic than buying something you buy from a fetish shop. If you go deeper in BDSM and want to buy more and good stuff be careful what you buy. If you can afford it buy from small and local fetish shops that costumize your gears and toys for you. It might be more expensive but the whole shopping experience is greater than anything cheap ordered online. And those products might be more to your satisfaction if they are made for you. For us it was for example the cage which was costumized and costed a fortune, but is now such a great and important part in our every day life, we would both never want to miss! 

The same goes for gear. If you have to save up for your boots and have them made costumized you will enjoy them much more than buying cheap boots online. Or maybe you have a submissive male who purchaes the costumized boots for you;-)

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Blogentry #178