Trust and training - #FindOutFridayBDSM

On a #FindOutFridayBDSM I received the following question which deserves a proper response and therefore its own blogpost:

"How did you get to the point of training in the beginning? Was there lots of contract talk, hard and soft limit discussions, and/or meeting in public places? How did the trust happen? And how long did it take for him to trust you completely?"

First of all I met my slave while I visited a good Master friend of mine. He was serving him and I was invited to join. After we met we keept contact and of course began to chat. Then we started to write e-mails. So yes we had quite a lot of "contract" talk. Mostly I described my view on things and my slave discribed his view. He began to visit and served me and we keept the intense e-mail connection. Why e-mail? Because you can take your time and make deeper thougts while you are answering. You can go much more deeper into the topics. With the medium e-mail your counterpart is not awaiting a response in some minutes or hours. Of course it takes time and effort to write extensive e-mails. So yes, my slave had the chance to look deep into my thoughs and ideas of BDSM. 

As every trust it starts small! Like a seed of a big, BIG tree. Honesty, empathie but of course also dominance and consistency are important parts. How do you build up trust with a friend? You begin to trust him in small things, you see that you can rely on him and you beginn to trust more and more. At a certain point you know you can talk openly to him and you can be the person you are. The same occurs in a BDSM relationship.
At the beginning this seed is fragil and has to be handled with a lot of care.

From this seed a plant evolves and beginns to grow. You water and nurture it and it grows bigger and bigger. It is not easy to tell when my slave began to trust me completely. Because you do not really see how this seed is growing. I would say it took some years and that is absolutely healthy. 

The tree is today big and not so easy to take down.

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Blogentry #240